


Robin gets banned

by PastaBucket



Category: Subnautica (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, gamers are retarded, hatefic, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 15:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17789606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastaBucket/pseuds/PastaBucket
Summary: I have come to hate people who play video games. Gamers are largely just a bunch of overconfident, insane idiots....and so this is what Robin Goodall would actually sound like, if she was voiced by an actual gamer.





	Robin gets banned

"Robin, you're a complete fucktard, and that's why we've decided to kick you off our space station, to the planet below, filled with maneating sharks. We hope you die, Robin, and we'll be listening in on the whole thing."

Robin struggled to comprehend for a second, before going back to playing with her own lips: "Phlebb-lebb-lebb..."

"It's no use. She doesn't understand a word we're saying. Just kick her out of the airlock already."

A moment later Robin sailed through the atmosphere: "Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!"

Unfortunately her parachute deployed, and Robin landed safely and alive in the water.

"Should we come rescue you or something?", her sister joked.

"No, I see penguins here! Cute penguins! I'mma squish you and take you home and eat you!"

"Look, we're dropping a little ball that you can sleep in so that you have a fighting chance."

"I'm gonna eat you little pengie... I'm gonna eat you little pengie...", Robin sang to the world as she stuck a pengie under each arm and swam out into shark infested waters.

"Oh! A sharkie-arkie! I'm gonna play with you little sharkie!"

The sharkie did its best to eat her, but it turns out that Robin was practically invincible, so she just swam circles around the shark. It did manage to get one bite in, but almost broke its teeth on her retard armoured flesh.

Robin just giggled and swam away, defecating freely in the water behind her without a care in the world.

"Oh! Rocket Island!", she said. "I'm gonna hug you, Mr. Crab!"

The crab tried to fight her off, but since Robin was so invincible that the speed of sound could barely touch her, it just made Robin squeeze harder. "You are the bestest friend in the whooole wooorld.", she sang to it. "I'm gonna name you mister Potato an' together we'll go on adventures. ...but first: Rocket Island!"

Robin climbed the island all the way to the top and beheld the rocket. "I wanna send up stuff in this!", she said.

"No, please dont. Launching a rocket costs us a bunch of money and fuel and resources."

"Twooo titanium.", Robin said.

"No! That's not even resources for a steering computer! I forbid you to launch that rocket!", the space station replied.

"Twoooo titanium.", Robin repeated, not listening to anything. "Gonna send a piece of poo into space. I'm gonna name you mister Lumpy."

"Noo! We don't want your poo!", they screamed aboard the station.

"Some poo, and some blood, and some spit. Gonna send them into space.", Robin muttered to herself.

Then Robin launched the rocket, and through retardo magic, it docked perfectly with the station and everyone was happy with Robin's gifts.

"Pppppft!", Robin said.

"You should probably go dive real deep amongst the sharks now."

"Good idea! Sharkies only tickle when they nibble at my toes."

Then Robin found an underground space temple.

"Hi! I'm Robin! Anybody home?"

"Hi! I'm Alan. I hate women. Hold still and I'm gonna do mean things to you, but alas I'm impotent, so I can't really do anything, and I'm pretty retarded as well."

"Hi, Alan! You are my bestest friend in the whooole wooorld."

"Now we are retarded together."

"Wheeeeeeeeeee!", they said in unison.

...and then they just swam around in the ocean and ate fish, and nothing bad happened to them at all, since the whole planet was retard proof and completely safe, and happy, and amazing.

The End =D


End file.
